Sunday, December 20, 2009

Busy, Busy

I've been so busy with work this weekend I'm sorry I haven't been on blogger hardly at all. The date went well with my new friend and I'll have a post about it tomorrow. I have to work a double today with an hour in between shifts. That gives me enough time to meet someone for coffee in his car. Yeah he's going to meet me on my break, how cool is that?

Thursday, December 17, 2009

It's a start

I took that baby step and talked to the boy at school. He had a smile when I walked up. I said hi he said hi he then said this class is hard. I agreed and said maybe we could help each other and he was cool with that. I said I was going to get a bite to eat and asked him if he wanted to join me and he did. Long story short we talked a long time over lunch and things seemed good. We have lots in common but didn't talk about anything gay at all so I don't know. I've heard of gay vibes and gaydar but I guess mine is broke or needs fine tuned maybe.

We did exchange numbers and he did call last night that's a plus. He asked if I wanted to hang out on Saturday. I told him I had to work but will be done by 10. He suggested maybe a movie which sounds good to me. If nothing else it's a new friend but there was still the looks and that confuses me but maybe after we talk more and hang out I'll know more. I have to admit he is really cute.

The blogger that ignored me that some of you ask about; I would rather not say who and just let it be.I guess I'm a small fish in his world. Most of you have been great and very supportive. I'll take that over someone who acts like they care but deep down they don't. Personally I am starting to get mixed feeling about this person anyway. I think maybe he has other things in mind. I can admit I totally figured him wrong thinking he was different. Oh well live and learn right.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Reaching Out

I want to thank everyone for their advice on the boy from school. Today I'm going to make a move and say hi and maybe see if he want's to have lunch or something. It seems like we both have the same breaks. We only have one class together so I might talk to him then. I do agree maybe I was reading to much into it and I was wishful thinking. Maybe all he wants is a friend and I know I can always use one myself. If there is more then cool I will deal with it as it comes. But for now I just need to take a baby step and hope for the best.

I really can't believe I'm going to do this after I reached out to a blogger and had the door slammed in my face. I'm not going to mention names or blogs but I just thought it was a bad thing to do. I want to say I would never turn my back on someone that reached out to me in an email. I'll always answer back and will always cherish my followers and those that comment. I just thought after reading your comments yesterday I would take a chance and reach out. I did and it didn't go well but that won't stop me from trying with a real person today.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

My type but so what

I want to ask you guys a question and maybe somebody could give me some advice. There's this boy I have one class with and I've been getting mixed signals from him. It's like when I always look at him he's looking at me. Sometimes he smiles but other times he turns away real quick. Then between classes I see him and he's normally behind me. I turn and look cause you know how you feel when someone is watching you. So I turn and it's him looking at me again and he smiles. Sometimes when I'm there during lunch hours he sits where he can see me. Is it just me being wishful or maybe he may like me? I'm totally not sure and so confused. Maybe it's just me cause this boy is very cute and shy he seems like the type that is cute but they don't know they are. He seems so like my type of guy. Maybe he's just scared like me and that's why he hasn't came up to me or maybe it's just my wishful thinking.

I think it's just my imagination or me being horny and wanting something besides my hand. Really even if the boy liked me what could I do about it. I live at home and it's a good bet he does also. When would we have time to be alone? My mother is a stay at home and she is always here. When they do leave for an over night trip or something she always has her sisters check to make sure I'm not throwing a party. The two wicked witches is what I like to call them. If they ask me one more time when I'm going to find a nice girl I'm going to scream.

I don't know if I should go up and talk with him or just let it go. What if I'm wrong and it's nothing then I'll look stupid which is not hard for me to do sometimes. I should just leave it alone I guess.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Netflix rocks!!!

I'm so happy the Vikings won yesterday they have a playoff spot now which makes for a great Monday. I just want to say thanks to Bob & Octavius for being my first followers and commenters. I think this blogging idea is a great and helps people connect with out leaving the closet until they're ready. I am so ready but so scared also. My parents are spiritual people and speak often on gay issues when they see them on TV so I know if they found out their son was they would freak out. I don't like living like this 19 years old and gay living at home and in the closet, it's just not right. I just have to live like this until I finish school then I can get the hell out of this house and town. I think if I have my degree I can live anywhere I want like San Francisco, New York or Key West. I hear those cities have great gay neighborhoods. I just want to be where people love me and like me for me not who I sleep with not that I have slept with anyone I'm just saying. I watch it a lot online and so much want to do it but just don't want my first time to be a hook up I want it to mean something. I know I may be asking to much. Hell I'm 19 years old and never been kissed what a shame really this sucks.

I signed up for Netflix last month and wow I'm loving it so far. I also got a so I could get the movies I wanted without having my parents asking what movies came in. I also can watch some live on my laptop. I never knew there was so many gay theme movies out. I just seen Brokeback Mountain the other day for the first time how sad is that. At least now with Netflix I can catch up on the gay world so I won't be so lost when I break out of my closet. I've seen some really great movies so far. Beautiful Thing, Edge of Seventeen, Sordid Lives, Latter Days, Shortbus, Shelter, The Broken Hearts Club just to name a few. I know some of them are really old but to me they're brand new. I want to think that I can have a group of friends like the Broken Hearts Club but I would be happy with a few gays friends that feel like I do. I know someday I will break away and be my own person but just need to finish school. Speaking of school I need to get ready for class.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

My first post

I've never given much thought to blogging it was just never something that crossed my mind. I've read many blogs in the past year and they've helped me get along with my life. Then last month I came across a blog that has taking my heart. I'm not in love with this blogger and I don't know him but he has gave me courage to start my own. (My Mistake on this blogger) is the name of his blog and because of him I decided to come out of my dark closet and start my blog even if it is only online its a start for me.

I just turned 19 and I still live at home and work part time and go to community college. I'm gay and have known forever that I am. I'm still a virgin because you cant count sex with yourself. I don't know any gay people other what I see online and from blogs. I'm so scared to come out I think my parents would throw me out of the house if they found out. I don't play any sports now or when I was in school but I like them. Like I said I'm not out to anyone, this is the first time that I have ever even written it down. I do say it outloud sometimes when I'm alone and no one can hear me.

I think my best friend might know but she has never asked. Yeah my best friend is a girl and from what I read this should be a clue. Yeah she is a heavy set girl another clue I know. Like I said I think she knows and she has hinted to things but never came out and asked. It would be nice to have someone that knew that I could talk to about stuff but I think for now I'll use this blog for that.I ust wanted to say thanks Mikey for giving me enough balls to start this blog.